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| Alias: |
Useless w*nk*r, not offside again, John we’ve had a few injuries and we’re playing in Jersey... |
| Place of Birth: |
The Motherland - Scotland (Glasgow) |
| Date of Birth: |
1st May 1970 |
| Height: |
6 ft. 1 |
| Weight: |
14 st. 10 |
| Position: |
Lock |
| Notes: |
John was always bad at sports. Whilst naturally enthusiastic and for a while fitness and some speed his spectacular lack of any skill, ball control and hand eye co-ordination led to years of humiliation - picked last (if at all), dropping catches, missing open goals, golden ducks, own goals, playing hockey with stick wrong way around, air swiping at tennis/squash/rounders/base or just about any ball you could care to mention.
Then he found Rugby ...... a sport where forwards were actually encouraged not to pick up the ball, where mindlessly running around as fast as you could bumping into people were positive attributes. So John had found his spiritual home. John Played rugby throughout school (Guernsey Grammar) and even ventured from out of his bedsit/pub/nightclub to grace university fields although the Sussex 3rd XV lost 156-0 against Loughborough 2nds it did dampen fires a little.
On returning to Guernsey John drifted from Rugby, simmering like a volcano waiting to explode. And after throwing up his curry after a particularly good 5 nations session (yes remember the 5 nations when England sometimes lost and Scotland almost won) organised a works rugby competition - starting his own works team from the then Touche Ross. However the team consisted of about 5 willing volunteers and 10 press-ganged innocents / ringers / men on low morals etc. The enthusiasts went on to join St Jacques and the works competition faded - revived every now and again by 7's competitions and an annual Deloitte vs. PwC game - occasions marked by lots of beer, lots of supporters and most of all lots of ambulances.
John now plays every now and again for St Jacques - he is mostly likely to be seen wandering up and down the touchline trying to look enthusiastic. When rarely seen on the pitch you'll see him wandering up and down trying to look enthusiastic.
John is in love with St Jacques mainly for the people (he calls them friends - they call him that useless w*nk*r with the nice wife), the attitude (which gets the balance between seriousness and fun just right) and the fact that every now and then the let him wander up and down the pitch so he can look enthusiastic, pretend he's scoring the winning try for Scotland and forget the missed catches! |
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